Yesterday was the one year anniversary of me leaving me Ex.
Alot has happened since then.
It feels longer than a year with everything that has happened.
I am stronger.
My mind is clearer.
I am healthier.
I have a better relationship with my Ex.
We realised recently that we loved each other as just friends for along time.
We were celibate for the last four years of our relationship.
I Think it was due to depression for both of us. Our libidos were low.
Though when I got on antidepressants and mood stabilisers for my Bi-Polar my libido returned.
It wasn’t nice standing before someone naked, still damp from a shower asking for sex and have them basically scoff at the idea.
I know that sounds weird. But we fell into a rut after his father died and never recovered.
In the end I left.
We were having arguments. Some that ended with me saying I didn’t know whether to stay, go for a little bit or just leave.
He never answered. He later said he’d hoped we’d work it out.
But leaving has been good for both of us.
Though I shouldn’t have done it the way I did.
I hurt too many people.
Not just him or me. But my family as well.
That’s when I met the fake Dom. When he tricked me.
That was the beginning of a dark period for me.
That’s when to a very dark place.
A place I don’t wish to visit again.
My psychologist doesn’t want me to bring this period up with her just yet.
We need to lay some ground work first.
Oh God, I just want to forget it all.
My psychologist says the reason I don’t want to talk about it and the fact that want to forget it is because I have PTSD, from that period.
All I know for sure is that I wish it had never happened.
Deep breath, cuppa tea, a cigarette, meds then bed.
Sounds like a good idea.
Think I need a extra anti anxiety pill tonight. 😦