So wordpress sent me a little message the other day, 8th of October, congratulating me on one year of my blog.
What a year.
I have come so far in the past year.
Over the course of the year I have also been in Psycho Therapy. We are in the wind down phase of it, I only have one more visit.
So it seems this is a good time for reflection.
This time last year I was lonely and sad. The only friend I had was a ffwb (former friend with benefits)
We actually I had just broken off the benefit part and we were taking a break in the friendship part of out relationship while we adjusted to the new dynamic.
I was still in a fog from the “break down” I had had.
I was angry, frustrated.
Basically I was lost.
I didn’t know who I was.
So I started a blog.
Here I was able to clear my thoughts, organise them.
By getting them out I was able clear my head. It I guess was a form of therapy it’s self.
I started following other blogs. For some reason I was drawn to ones who were about their lives in kinky.
It awoke again in me my needs. My need for submission. The need I have to be controlled.
They led me to a website were others of our kind could meet. The site describes it’s self as a facebook of kink. It’s much better than the ones I’d been on in the past which were just meat markets. Places where men just wanted to meet and fuck. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Hell, I did it a few times. Though looking back on those one night stands I was doing it to try and feel something.
The website led me to a local group. Which in turn led me to another. I now have a social life, something which I’ve never had before.
I now have friends. Both online and in real life. People I trust and can rely on. Again something I’ve never had.
I also managed to end a friend with benefits relationship better than I did with my ex. In fact the fwb and I still friends, but only friends.
I am more confident than I was 12 months ago.
I have a better idea of where I want to go and a better idea of how to get there.
The last 18 months have been a huge overhaul of my life and things are only getting better.
May the next 12 months be even better.