My Parents aren’t well

I am currently visiting my parents for a few days.

It was unplanned. I travel by public transport and my anxiety levels have been a little high so I thought I’d just make the decission to go and suprise them. That way if I had to turn around I didn’t have to cancel anything.

I also didn’t want to raise the hopes of my nephews.

I knew things may not have been too well for a few months.

Their cat is diabetic and doesn’t look after herself well.

Add to the fact my parents are looking after my sister’s dog.

Add to that my Dad has mobility issues because of a old back injury. Three blown disks, 2 have gone completely and are now vertabre on vertabre.

Add to that my Mum has to work long hours with her health not so good.

And it is evident that things are getting on top of them.

There is the obvious power struggle between cat and dog. The cat is using the house as a toilet, possibly to mark her territry. Either way it fucking stinks here. Cos my Dad can’t get down to clean up and by the time my Mum gets home it’s set in the carpet.

The dog and my Dad are having a power struggle, My Dad says it is doing what it can to hurt him. Sitting on his feet digging his claws in which cause skin tears which take months to heal on my dad. The dog is also trying to trip him over.

There is also stuff stacked all over the place. They are hoarding. I swear it won’t be long before it looks like one of those houses you see on the tv show hoarders.

They have a three bedroom home plus study plus sunroom. You can’t use several of the rooms and they stink, thanks to cat.

I have a small studio appartment and I feel like there is more room in there than in my parents house.

It’s so cluttered here. It’s doesn’t do well for my health.

I can have ocd tendancies. Usually I have them under control and I can use them for good in my own life and home.

I was here for less than 6 hours and I was ready for a meltdown of sorts.

I just wanted to turn around and go home.

The carpet feels gross. I swear it feels damp in alot of places. It’s permanently damp.

I cleaned the kitchen last christmas for them, but I need to do it again. Though I’d have to push the issue and make sure I go through the cupboards as well. Mum didn’t let me do that last year and I know there is food in there that they don’t use (obviously) cos it will be out of date.

My sister is no help. She still has a whole heap of her stuff here. She and her boys had to move in for a while the other year after she was forced to sell the house she and her ex owned.

But she moved out over a year ago and she still has a heap of stuff here. She has a heap of room to take to her new place.

She also doesn’t work and lives  within 5 mins of our parents place. She could help them. Easy.

But I think it will be down to me.

I don’t know how.

I can’t let someone else in from outside in the help.

I’m embarresed just mentionng it here.

I would be mortified if anyone else saw this.

 

I am actually thinking of not coming here for Christmas. I don’t think I can.

With the stress of moving house myself soon. Waiting for my community housing provider to find me somewhere.

I just don’t think I have it in me to deal with the state of there house and Christmas.

It can be difficult at the best of times for me to leave the comfort zone of my home to come stay which is why I haven’t done it in over 7 months.

Maybe if I was a little stronger I could deal with it better.

 

But why is it up to me to deal with all of this??

But then if the house doesn’t get delt with I will never see my family unless they come visit me.

Deal with th house ie clean it for them or loose my family.

That’s how bad it is right now.

That’s how I feel.

 

I have already told my parents I may not be coming for Christmas and I’ve told them why.

 

Looks like Christmas for one this year.

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5 thoughts on “My Parents aren’t well

  1. Lizzie, you are one piece of this family. It isn’t up to you to solve all the problems. Stay well yourself or you can’t help them at all. And…buy them some baking soda for the cat pee. They need to empty boxes of it on the urine then vacuum it up when dry.

  2. White vinegar is a deodorizer, cheap, and works on almost everything. That may help with some of the odor as well.

    That being said, as embarrassing as it may feel, you may need to get some help. I know it’s hard – I can’t even imagine how hard, but it sounds like too big a job for one person. And, if it helps you, think of it this way – what’s worse, the embarrassment of someone seeing the way your parents are living or your parents becoming more ill or injured because of the conditions?

  3. you are an AMAZING daughter to care so much but I agree, you have to take care of yourself! i seldom visit my mom because she and my grandmother tend to stress me out so plan my visit in short burst and cram a lot of things in.

    HUGGSSSS, no need to be embarrassed here either, we love you no matter what!

  4. Sounds like they are unable to help themselves. Perhaps both from mental and physical issues? There are people who help with that for a living. They need help. Don’t feel shame. Feel proud that you see it and care enough to help.

  5. I can’t add more to the wise words from the women above but I agree with them completely. You need to look after yourself in order to help your parents. That may be to find an outside person or service. I do hope you’ll find a solution that works for all of you and do take care.

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