I am currently visiting my parents for a few days.
It was unplanned. I travel by public transport and my anxiety levels have been a little high so I thought I’d just make the decission to go and suprise them. That way if I had to turn around I didn’t have to cancel anything.
I also didn’t want to raise the hopes of my nephews.
I knew things may not have been too well for a few months.
Their cat is diabetic and doesn’t look after herself well.
Add to the fact my parents are looking after my sister’s dog.
Add to that my Dad has mobility issues because of a old back injury. Three blown disks, 2 have gone completely and are now vertabre on vertabre.
Add to that my Mum has to work long hours with her health not so good.
And it is evident that things are getting on top of them.
There is the obvious power struggle between cat and dog. The cat is using the house as a toilet, possibly to mark her territry. Either way it fucking stinks here. Cos my Dad can’t get down to clean up and by the time my Mum gets home it’s set in the carpet.
The dog and my Dad are having a power struggle, My Dad says it is doing what it can to hurt him. Sitting on his feet digging his claws in which cause skin tears which take months to heal on my dad. The dog is also trying to trip him over.
There is also stuff stacked all over the place. They are hoarding. I swear it won’t be long before it looks like one of those houses you see on the tv show hoarders.
They have a three bedroom home plus study plus sunroom. You can’t use several of the rooms and they stink, thanks to cat.
I have a small studio appartment and I feel like there is more room in there than in my parents house.
It’s so cluttered here. It’s doesn’t do well for my health.
I can have ocd tendancies. Usually I have them under control and I can use them for good in my own life and home.
I was here for less than 6 hours and I was ready for a meltdown of sorts.
I just wanted to turn around and go home.
The carpet feels gross. I swear it feels damp in alot of places. It’s permanently damp.
I cleaned the kitchen last christmas for them, but I need to do it again. Though I’d have to push the issue and make sure I go through the cupboards as well. Mum didn’t let me do that last year and I know there is food in there that they don’t use (obviously) cos it will be out of date.
My sister is no help. She still has a whole heap of her stuff here. She and her boys had to move in for a while the other year after she was forced to sell the house she and her ex owned.
But she moved out over a year ago and she still has a heap of stuff here. She has a heap of room to take to her new place.
She also doesn’t work and lives within 5 mins of our parents place. She could help them. Easy.
But I think it will be down to me.
I don’t know how.
I can’t let someone else in from outside in the help.
I’m embarresed just mentionng it here.
I would be mortified if anyone else saw this.
I am actually thinking of not coming here for Christmas. I don’t think I can.
With the stress of moving house myself soon. Waiting for my community housing provider to find me somewhere.
I just don’t think I have it in me to deal with the state of there house and Christmas.
It can be difficult at the best of times for me to leave the comfort zone of my home to come stay which is why I haven’t done it in over 7 months.
Maybe if I was a little stronger I could deal with it better.
But why is it up to me to deal with all of this??
But then if the house doesn’t get delt with I will never see my family unless they come visit me.
Deal with th house ie clean it for them or loose my family.
That’s how bad it is right now.
That’s how I feel.
I have already told my parents I may not be coming for Christmas and I’ve told them why.
Looks like Christmas for one this year.