You Can’t Fuck Dumb. Alice’s Adventures in the Dating Wonderland. 

A IRL friend of mine.
Her trials at online dating


So I have decided to date again. It’s been a while and I’m a bit rusty. New and exciting experiences have delighted my senses recently, but I’m back in the game.

I create an online dating profile and the fun starts.

Day 1 – I’m bombarded by sweet and flirty compliments from 20 year olds, telling me I’m sexy, beautiful and very fuckable. Awwww thanks guys.

Day 2 – Messages come through in the form of questions, like where do I live, most importantly do I live alone, and what are my plans for the night. When I reply that I’m busy tonight, all contact stops. Oh dear, so I need to be available ASAP in order to get a date!

Day 3 – I’m a counsellor today. Helping a person in need of life advice. Topics vary from penis size and sexual insecurity, bullying, friends stealing partners and infidelity…

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Man Hits Snooze Button For 24 Years


A Brisbane man has finally gotten out of bed after hitting his snooze button for 24 years.

Tom Smothers expressed surprise that he’d been in bed that long. “Yeah I’m a bit shocked. I thought I’d just hit snooze a few times. I do remember Mum saying I had to get up.”

The anthropology student woke up on Tuesday having gone to bed a 19-year-old. “To be honest I wish it had been Wednesday. I hate Tuesdays.”

He is however happy about being 43 and doesn’t feel like he’s wasted his time. “I needed the rest. Life begins at 40. I’m just a few years late.”

His parents are relieved. Jan and Peter Smothers never lost hope that eventually their son would not hit the snooze button. “I knew after a while he would grow up,” said Jan.

Mr Smothers is hoping to resume his anthropology studies at the University of…

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